My words are spent.
I am speechless and empty.
At least that’s how I often feel. I’m realizing that in this season of life, I often have no words. I don’t mean words in the everyday kind of sense. I don’t have a hard time saying, “Please clean up your room,” or “How was your day?” I don’t have a hard time jabbering without really saying anything. I apologize if I’ve done that to you.
I can’t think. I can’t write. I methodically put one foot in front of the other day by day. I have plenty of ideas, but no words come when I sit down to write.
Many of you who are our dear, close friends, know we are in a busy season lately, or at least Tyler is. I’m merely at home teaching E and taking care of Martin. However, Tyler has been doing freelance graphic design work, not to mention he’s building his photography business, and he also has his 40+ hour job to work each week. It’s crazy world for him. This week we are celebrating that he has finished up designing a 52 page magazine, by himself. He had guidance and suggestions, but all of the design work was done by him. And this was all accomplished in about 4 weeks, at night and on the weekends. I can’t begin to explain how relieved I am to have him back at home with us. He’s been here, but he hasn’t.
I’m not trying to complain, but I probably am. What I’m really saying is that in all of this crazy-life stuff, I’ve been drained. I’ve given more than I have. I have great thoughts on life, but no words are left. I’m empty and tired and humbled because I can’t do it all. I’ve tried and failed.
Somewhere in all of this, I found little time for God. I stopped reading Truth as often. I just had too much to do in the day.
Isn’t that how it always goes? Once activities and commitments pick up, the first thing we often give up is our quiet times, our reflection, our nourishment. I was reminded of it this week. Ethan’s bible memory verse was Matthew 4:4, “But he answered, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” Just helping him memorize this verse challenged me.
It’s exactly what I had been trying to do, “live on bread alone.” When things are hectic, busy, or stressful, we try and live with whatever gets us by. We think, “just gotta make it through…”
But that’s not the kind of life we were designed for, created for, or awaits us. We are filled and fulfilled when we live on Truth. When we devour God’s truth each morning, we have more than enough. We love with God’s love when ours runs out. We are filled with his strength when we can’t lift our heads and hearts.
I needed a good reminder of that this week. Also, Martin-boy has been sick, so I’ve been weary of the fever. He is on the mend today, and I am thankful. I’m including some pics of our illness week. This is life, drained, yet filled with so much hope and joy.