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| Photo by Tyler LaCross |
Lately I find myself wanting more and more. I’m always thinking of what I need to buy in order to make our house more cozy, what I need to organize and clean (this is not always bad), and what I need to wear or match together to keep my style in line with what I prefer. I don’t think I’ve always been this way or really believed these things matter.
I think the root of all these things is 1. Believing I need or deserve more than I have; and 2. Surrounding myself with and being gullible to believe social media knows more about my needs than I do.
I’ve grown to have such a love/hate relationship with Pinterest, Facebook, and Social Media in general. So says the girl writing about social media on her blog. I’m a hypocrite. Yes, I know.
Putting all of that irony aside, I love social media because it allows me to stay connected to people I value who live in other parts of the land or world. But at the same time, I often forget I’m connected to a world (online) where people have extreme control about who they portray themselves to be. While I do love keeping up with my friends, I need to be cautious about what information I allow to seep into my mind.
Often, people post really good or really bad things about life. Isn’t this the way it always seems? When there are reviews online or in a magazine, it’s either really good or really bad. No one ever cares enough to give a mediocre review for a hotel, restaurant, etc. It’s only the people who are wowed or revolted. The same is true of social media. People post what great ideas they have/believe. They post new clothes, pictures of themselves doing something amazing, or new recipes they tried…
Wait, am I describing my own blog?
But so rarely is this a true picture of who they are as a person. And if I’m really honest with myself, this incomplete image of someone’s life becomes a great breeding ground for discontentment, greed, and envy in my life.
I see it in the moments where I think:
“Ah. I wish I’d gotten to vacation this past week. Must be nice.”
“Oh look…_(fill in name here)_ is pregnant. Everyone is pregnant these days. It’s that stage of life…If only we were ready.”
“Look at those amazing outfit combinations. Now, if I can go buy another gray scarf, this one lighter than my other gray scarf, and some darker brown boots than I can recreate this look.”
The options are endless. I’ve chosen some randomly shallow examples, minus the baby example, but there are so many ways we desire what others have. However, that incomplete image of their lives takes away from my ability to love that person or care about them. When I envy or want what they have, I cannot see anything else about that person, their life, or what they are experiencing. I can’t see pain, suffering, or a place where I can step in and be a friend. I can only see the extra money they have to fly to Hawaii or my own inability to pay for such a trip at this moment in life.
Even if I don’t desire their possessions, but their happiness or their outlook on life, I can so easily run down the road of coveting what it is they have just because I compare my life to their incomplete image on Facebook.
It’s easy for these social media desires to go unchecked. We simply justify our feelings and either:
1. Get addicted to that person’s life and stalk them and their pictures regularly while feeling sorry for ourselves at the same time; or
2. Easily dislike someone we don’t know really well without seeming to harm our relationship with that person
In real life, if we envy a friend, it doesn’t take long before we see the repercussions of that envy in the way we treat them. We’ll snap at any complaint they have or have little sympathy for them. And there is always the “one-up” on how bad our lives are. We simply won’t love them well. But on Facebook or a blog, with someone we haven’t seen since high school or have never met, it’s a different story. It seems as though it wouldn’t matter if we like the person or not. They aren’t actually hurt by the situation. But our own hearts are not ok. Our own hearts are still crying out about how unfair life is or about our inability to control our own situations.
The truth is we aren’t in control, not completely. We are limited by what we are able to do and how we are able to think. And our sinful desires, actions, and repercussions trip us up daily. They prevent us from moving forward and away from envying our neighbor or Facebook friend. Without God’s grace and my daily awareness of this issue, I would become sad and bitter towards anyone whose situation seemed better than mine. But things are rarely what they seem. I am learning that every single day, and it is pure joy to be able to love other people wherever they are.
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I noticed a far too glaring grammar mistake to let my OCD mind let it go 🙂
Melissa, I really appreciate your writing on this topic. I have noticed myself falling into this trap far too often, especially lately. I get envious or feel like I need _____ to have things together. I also tend towards depression/anxiety so I see how people are portraying themselves on fb, etc. and see people whose lives are “so together” and that I am not measuring up. I end up thinking that I should be having babies and keeping a perfect house and have a 4.0 and do a million perfect things for Ricky and cooking this gourmet meal all while crafting my brains out. Most of it is just that no one airs their dirty laundry on fb so we don’t necessarily see the other side but between the envy and the feeling that I just can’t measure up I TOTALLY understand this. Thank you for putting it out there.
This is a great blog post. Your words will remind me to check myself on these thoughts. I have friends who are having babies right and left, but in this season of my life, it’s not the right time for us. However, I still get a bit down in the dumps when another person announces their pregnancy. I also get envious when people post pictures of gorgeous new houses and cars, and I will be more focused on not being that way from now on!